Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We left the knife in your bed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
