Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
