I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
