Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
