mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
