I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
