Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
