Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
