I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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