Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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