i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
