That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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