I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
