wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
