so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
