Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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