Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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