My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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