what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
