Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
