The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
