doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
