Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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