Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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