physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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