Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
