Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
