You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
