I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
