you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
