You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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