trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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