So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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