At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
