I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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