i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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