can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
