so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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