So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize