his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Found the puke drawer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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