Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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