I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
