He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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