I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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