after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
