Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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