anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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