Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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