no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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