Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
