dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
